77-24-B6
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Kidco[edit]
Transcript[edit]Having previously reported on some youthful criminals, guilty of the most brutal and sadistic crimes, I thought you might like to hear about some other kind of kids. I'll be right back. You may recall I reported a while back on a corporation called Kidco, that was having a hassle with the state of California over a matter of sales taxes. Kidco, duly incorporated, has a 12-year-old president, a nine-year-old vice-president and a secretary, age 11. The latter two are sisters of President Dickie Cessna and the 14-year-old treasurer is a half-sister kid. Kidco was engaged in picking up the manure from Mr Cessna’s stable and applying it to a nearby golf course and several private lawns for fertilizer. The state claimed Kidco owed retroactive sales taxes. Kidco's defense was that a sales tax had already been paid on the material before it was fed to the horses. They didn't see why it should be paid again. Now Kidco is facing another battle, this time with the state Department of Agriculture. It seems that Kidco branched out and has developed another profitable business, killing gophers. To those of you who don't know the California Pocket Gopher, he's an energetic tunnel digger who can turn a decent looking lawn into an ugly dirt pile almost overnight. Well the state is demanding that the children take and pass the test for a pest control license and that they reveal the secret formula for the poison they're using to kill the gophers. As President Dickie Cessna said in a letter to his state senator, quote, “The test is too hard for us little kids, even if we are pretty smart in business.” Unquote, and he added, “We do a good service killing gophers and don't do nothing to hurt birds or dogs or other animals. Gosh all we want to do is work and make some money so we can go to college when we get older.” Unquote. Of course the state's legitimate concern is whether the poison being used is dangerous to the children or to others, but it would seem to me that their mother would have satisfied herself as to its safety and is in a good position to do so. Dickie wrote as follows, “We do not think our secret weapon for killing gophers should have to be registered because it's not on any of your lists and because it is made from chemicals that everybody's mom has in her kitchen. You have to know how to mix them and how to put the stuff in the gopher holes.” Unquote. And then he adds, “If we reveal our business secret, everyone will know how to kill gophers and we'll be out of business.” Unquote. The matter of making them take a test and get a license as exterminators does seem to be bureaucratic overkill. Right at this point in preparing this broadcast, I received further news. I feel like I'm seeing a rerun on one of those old movies where the reporter grabs the phone and says, “Give me the city desk, I've got a story that'll crack this town wide open.” You can, as the saying goes, fight city hall. Right has triumphed. Faced with having to file a criminal complaint against these young people, the state Department of Agriculture has given in. Kidco will continue to eradicate gophers with its secret weapon and hopefully the department will move on to more productive and useful tasks. This is Ronald Reagan. Thanks for listening. |
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