76-15-B8
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Names[edit]
Transcript[edit]What's in a name? That's a well-known cliche question which could become something of a study if a new idea in marriage catches on. I'll be right back. In a recent edition of The Alternative Magazine published by the Saturday Evening Club, a gentleman named Joseph McGrath wrote tellingly of something that could change our society more than switching to the metric system. Mr. McGrath had seen an item in his local paper about an upcoming marriage. The thing that had caught his eye was the announcement that the young couple, in keeping with some of the ideas floating around these days, intended to keep both their surnames. They would, as a married couple, be known as the Schwamm-Bukowskis not Mr. and Mrs. Bukowski. Now, if i'd seen that item, I must confess I probably would have shrugged it off as a little silly, but certainly that's their right if that's what they wanted to put on their mailbox. But Mr. McGrath, while conceding that latter point has a more inquiring mind. He looked into the future, not only of the Schwam-Buckowskis, but the future of society if such an idea catches on. Envisioning parenthood for the happy couple, Mr. McGrath does some supposing. Suppose a daughter, Janet, is born. Janet Schwamm-Bukowski who grows up and marries a young man who also has a dual name, the idea having caught on. Janet Schwamm-Bukowski and Jack Krenwinkel-Roget become the Schwam-Bukowski-Krenwinkel-Rogets. Time passes and they're blessed with a son they promptly named Frank. Reaching the age of 21, Mr. McGrath envisions Frank Schwam-Bukowski-Krenwinkel-Roget falling in love with and marrying a lovely young lady Juanita Halloran-Schwamm (no relation) Morningside-Lucarelli. This nice young couple being sentimental and nostalgic over earlier times named their firstborn after a favorite great-grand uncle named John Smith. And there it is on the birth certificate--John Smith Halloran-Schwamm-Morningside-Lucarelli-Schwamm-Bukowski-Krenwinkel-Roget. Without getting into additional generations, Mr McGrath then took up some of the associated problems started by the young couple, the Schwamm-Bukowskis who set us off on this course. Roll calls at the start of the school day could conceivably take until lunchtime. Of course, he points out, there would be rejoicing on the bureaucratic front. The computers would be humming like crazy and the form 1040 would have to have a lot of additional lines. Telephone directory printing would be a great growth industry and how about all those monogrammed items— towels, bed linens, handkerchiefs and even shirts. Monogrammed jewelry, tie clips, cuff links, earrings, etc.—well we'd probably just have to give up on those. But how about those conventions and business meetings where a sticker bearing your name is stuck to your lapel? It would become an 11 by 14 placard hung around your neck like a bib. Mr. McGrath carried his vision of the future to other problem areas--the engravers of tombstones for example. He may have created a new parlor game. Try it at your next social gathering. I've thought of one already, probably because of an earlier occupation of mine. Can't you hear a sports announcer now saying, excitedly, quote "John Smith Halloran-Schwamm-Morningside-Lucarelli-Schwamm- (no relation) Bukowski-Krenwinkel-Roget is fading back to pass." I wonder if we could get Miss Schwamm and Mr. Bukowski to reconsider. This is Ronald Reagan. Thanks for listening. |
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